Scriptures References
Hebrews 12:14-15
Ephesians 4:30–32
Here are things we must Stop Doing
…to clear away bitterness and live a holy life.
- Stop rehearsing offenses: Do not replay hurts in your mind or repeat details of the conflict to others.
- Stop demanding vengeance: Give up your personal right to get even or see the other person punished.
- Stop isolating yourself: Avoid pulling away from the church, which allows toxic thoughts to grow unchallenged.
Here are things we must Start Doing
- Start speaking blessings: Actively pray for the well-being, growth, and success of the person who hurt you.
- Start practicing gratitude: Focus daily on God’s goodness to shift your perspective away from your wounds.
- Start confessing quickly: Admit your own bad attitudes to God and a trusted friend the moment they surface.
- Start pursuing discipline: Embrace difficult boundaries and spiritual habits that protect your heart from compromise.
1st Step on how to forgive a person
Separate Forgiveness from Reconciliation
Understand the difference:
- Forgiveness happens in your heart between you and God; it takes only one person.
- Reconciliation requires mutual trust and takes two people.
You can forgive without trusting: You can completely forgive someone to free yourself from bitterness, while still maintaining strict boundaries to keep yourself safe from future harm.
2nd Step on how to forgive a person
Name the Exact Offense
- Be specific: Avoid minimizing the pain by saying “It was no big deal.”
- Name exactly what they did For example: (They lied about me, They deceived me).
- Acknowledge the cost: Write it down or pray through exactly what their action cost you: such as your reputation, your peace of mind, or a relationship.
3rd Step on how to forgive a specific person
Like Christ, make the decision to cancel the debt
- Release the right to pay them back: Forgiveness means you promise not to use the offense against them in the future, not to gossip about it to ruin their reputation, & not to dwell on it to fuel your own bitterness. (Romans 12:17-21)
- Transfer the case to God: Romans 12:19 reminds believers to leave room for God’s justice/wrath.
Last Step on how to forgive a specific person
Guard Against Re-Sentencing
- Expect the feelings to return: Forgiveness is a legal transaction in your heart, but your emotions will take time to catch up.
- When the memory hurts again, remind yourself:
“I already canceled that debt, and turned over to God” - Pray for them by name: When bitterness flares up, immediately ask God to bless them, heal their brokenness and show them grace.
It is incredibly difficult to hate someone while actively praying for their well-being.